My dates with Dentist

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I had just stepped into a dentist office and I read this inspiring quote ‘To extract is human but to restore is divine’.

That sums up the dreary dictum of dentists. Have we ever come back from a dentist hearing good news about our teeth? No! It’s always bad news. Dentistry means drilling, filling and billing.
Everyone dreads a dentist’s chair. It is the second worst fear after public speaking. My dates with dentists date back to my childhood. I was just eight and was sitting on that dentist’s chair and he said sweetly, ‘Hi son, open your mouth, Let me see if you have fine teeth.’
And I opened – ‘AAAHHHHH!’
He started examining my teeth and suddenly I bit his fingers.
He was screaming in pain. My father rushed in and asked, ‘Why did you do it my son?’
I just pointed to the name board–‘Dr Ghazanfar, Painless Dentist’.

I had just a cavity in my molar tooth. He made a mountain out that molar inventing four more. He then asked my father what kind of filling he should use. Hearing it,

I snapped back- ‘Chocolate or Ice cream filling please!’ On my next date, he informed my father that a tooth needed extraction.

My father asked, ‘What is the fee doctor?’

He said ‘Fifty rupees.’

My penny-pinching father made a bargain note- ‘Doctor, Fifty rupees for just five minutes of job!’

The dentist retorted dauntlessly, ‘I can extract slowly, if you want’.

When I was 20, I had my first root canal treatment. The dentist kept on digging and digging and finally the canal became as wide as the Suez Canal. He then said I needed a bridge to fill the gap. I felt like telling I cannot pay the toll.

Fed up, I enquired him- ‘Doctor, don’t you get tired of spending the whole day with your hands in my mouth?’

He said, ‘No, my son, I just think that I am putting my hands in your wallet’.

I then realized that all dentists lead a hand-to- mouth existence. A dentist is like a magician who, having put metal in your mouth pulls coins from your pocket.

Recently I took my girl friend to a dentist.
While she was getting ready to leave, I told her the story of a couple who went to meet a dentist. When the couple reached the dentist's office,
the man who was in a big hurry told the dentist: ‘Doctor, no fancy stuff! No painkillers please! Just pull the tooth and get it over with!’

The dentist looked at him admiringly and said, ‘ I wish all my patients had your courage. Good! Now, show me your tooth’.

The man suddenly turned to his wife, ‘Honey, show your tooth’.

Well, I reassured my wary girlfriend that it would be a painless one.

My girlfriend sat on the chair and the dentist started examining her teeth. Suddenly my friend uttered a huge cry.

Surprised, the doctor remarked ‘Madam, I have not started drilling yet’. ‘
Doctor, you are standing on my feet’, my friend screamed back.
Oops!’ he apologized and continued his examination. Suddenly he made a diagnostic shriek ‘Caries! Caries!’
Confused, my friend responded shyly ‘No, I am not carrying doctor’. ‘I meant dental caries!’ clarified the dentist.
I felt concerned about the examination and asked him ‘Do you extract tooth painlessly?’

He looked at me and said, ‘Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my wrist pulling a tooth’.
At last, he pulled out her tooth without getting on her nerves further.
When I saw the bill I was shocked, as he had charged 400 Rupees. I confronted him- ‘Doctor, this is four times your normal fee for a tooth extraction’.
The dentist explained, ‘Yes, I know. But her scream scared away four patients from my waiting room’.

No wonder dentists are driven to extortion… I mean extraction. When a dentist makes an extraction, you hope he pulls the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth. If it is wrong, it is ‘acci-dental’. If it is right, it is ‘inci-dental’.
Incidentally my father had all his teeth extracted when he was seventy. A week later I asked him, ‘Papa, how do you feel after extracting all your teeth?’
He said ‘Terrible my son, terrible! I will never do it again’.
Last month, I had my final sitting with my dentist.
He was examining my molar teeth and said, ‘My God, It is a big cavity! It is a big cavity!’. Annoyed, I told him ‘You don’t have to repeat it’.
He said, ‘I didn’t repeat it. It was an echo coming from there!’
Unaware of my many dates with dentists, my friend Waheed poked into my mouth last week and said ‘Hey PGR, you have very fine teeth!.
I said, ‘They are all mine, I have the bills from Al Mana hospital.’
I have now decided to distance myself from dentists to avoid getting bored to tears and filled with fillers.

If I have yellow teeth, I just wear a brown tie to give me an ‘occi-dental’ touch or just practice ‘tras-dental’ medication.

66 comments:

Er. Nidhi Mishra said...

good to read some humor writting from u
m glad

Dr. Palki Vajpayee said...

Doctors ki waat laga di tuney.....
:-)
nice reading this

Anonymous said...

that was good read

Er. Paayal Sharma said...

nice;y composed n expressed

Dr. Pragya bajaj said...

Doctors ke peeche pad gaya tu to
Nice reading, write humor posts also it will be good as change of modd 4 reader and more importamtly for you
Regards

Anonymous said...

good humorous read

Er. Snigddha Aggarwal said...

nice reading some humor from u

Anonymous said...

that was good read
:-)

Dr. Neha Srivastav said...

thatw as laughter date
:-)

Soul Searcher said...

This was a little hatke and with so many doctors on your list it took a lot of courage.

And yes some docs have a sense of humour too. Any of them dentists by any chance...

:-)

Dr.Nishi Chauhan said...

nice reading it.
Wait next time i will post Humour article on engineers
:-)

Dr. Aradhna said...

nice reading this

good but bad as Drs are tageted...

:-)

Mehnaaz said...

thatwas laughter riot
:-)

R. Ramesh said...

wonderful piece with a humourous touch..congrats boss..i just remembered one dentist in mumbaiwhose first reaction on seeing a patient would be "Sona lagao." i used to say, what sona/mona, cement lagao yaar.who has all that money? real fun..avi..thanks boss 4 passing by my blog..your team is doing a great job..

Shalini Chopra said...

thatwas nice reading...dentists and their way of making money
:-)

Austeen Sufi said...

nice reading this
Regards

Anonymous said...

good humorous read sir
Regards

Anonymous said...

dentist se panga??
:-)

Ria said...

that was good reading
Keep posting sir

Old Lady Lincoln said...

I don't care for dentist either. This coming Thursday have to go for a cleaning. I have only 8 of my own and they charge the same amount to clean them as they would if I had 28 or 32.

Richa Saxena said...

reminds me of my own 'Dates' with dentist when i was 6years old, it can be nightmare

Shilpi Verma said...

a visit to dentist place is one of few things i dare most, but loved reading this dentist date.

Ritika Pandey said...

well written, was fun reading

Rashmi said...

that was good read

Swati said...

nice reading this

Swati said...

A man goes to the dentist one day for a check up.

As the dentist started looking in the mans mouth, the dentist said,"Did you have oral sex last night?".

"To which the man replied "Is there pubic hair in my mouth then". The dentist replied,"No, there is shit on your nose"

Rohit Sharma said...

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

Rohit Sharma said...

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

Austeen Sufi said...

One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work. The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?" The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life." The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller" The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare." The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller." The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth." The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?" The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life" The dentist then said, "Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?" The man replied, "When I reached the end of the chain."

अविनाश said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashok said...

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

Ashok said...

Last week Grace went to the dentist's office for a checkup and music was playing. She was early for her appointment, but after waiting ten minutes, an elderly woman sitting beside her said, "isn't that just like a dentist? A waiting room jammed with people, and the dentist is in there playing the piano."

Tracy said...
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Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ria Taneja said...

That remined me of my root canal treatment, which was as long and time taking as Suez Canal
:-)

Er. Snigddha Aggarwal said...

visit 2 dental clinic can be a painful n disater at times. Nice reading This,

अनु मिश्रा said...

अच्छा लिखा है आपने एक दंत चिकित्सक के पास जाना एक बहादुरी की बात होती है. पदग के मज़ा आया, काफ़ी व्यंग था इस मे.
धन्यवाद

Indrani said...

:) That was a good read.

jinksy said...

I thnk you secretly want to be a stand up comic!

Anonymous said...

that was nice comical dentist dates :-)

Anonymous said...

that was good dental comic read
:-)

डॉ .अनुराग said...

बहुत सारे डेंटिस्ट दोस्तों से गिरा हुआ हूँ...इसलिए तुम्हारी कलम खासी दिलचस्प लगी...एक दो दोस्तों को तुम्हारा लेख फोरवर्ड कर रहा हूँ.....लिखते रहो....

Amrita Kumari said...

That was nice read :-)

Ruchika Mittal said...

that was huge humor on dentists , i can see mant Doctors here
ant dentist by chance?

Ruchika Mittal said...

वैसे तो रोना फितरत है हसीनों की;
सीख लो उनसे ये गर रहना है आबाद।
पता नहीं अब कब रोऊँगा अगली बार;
शायद बहेगा मन का नमक फिर बरसों बाद।

i am what i am said...

funny post....but i assure you all dentists are not as comical as the ones in your post.....i am a dentist by profesion and love my job thoroughly.......

i am what i am said...

please its really ok....u really dont have to apologize....i appreciate humour when i read one....and no u did not hurt my sentiments at all....i just couldnt stop myself from commenting on the post dats all!!!! nice blog btw!!!

Dr. Gunjan Gehlot said...

Uhh!! some thing 4 Doctors also
Loved reading it
:-)

Dr.Ruchika Rastogi said...

OOPS!! Drs on target??

:-)
Liked it a lot

Kanupriya said...

with so many Doctor followers it must have taken some courage to write humor on them....

It was good reading :-)

nituscorner said...

That was great avinash.....and i could also tell you a few signs that you may be going to the wrong dentist....(1) directions to the dentist says "turn into the dirt road"...(2) your dentist is wearing a pair of pants you gave to the salvation army last month....(3) your dentist's diploma appears to be a warranty from the "undertakers"....(4) the only magazine in his waiting room is titled "living Cheap"...(5)your dentists giggles uncontrollably when ever he hears the words "that hurts"...he! he! So beware the dentist you choose to treat your pearls. But relax all dentists are not like the Wrong Dentist or the dentist you took your girlfriend to...One useful tip though for you...to be on the safe side this shillong dentist is a safe and friendly one. Try her . LOL!!!!

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